It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
