I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
