she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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