if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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