I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
