When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
