I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
