White coat. Heels.
I wish I only lived at night.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
