it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
