Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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