does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
