I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
