ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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