the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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