its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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