i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
