Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
