Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Im part way to drunk.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
