"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
