If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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