The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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