Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize