Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
