I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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