Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize