She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
