Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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