I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
