Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
