Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
