Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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