SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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