Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
