Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
