Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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