i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
