I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
