And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
