she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
