...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
