Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Welp...herpes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize