I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
