Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I did not marry a roomba.
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