Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
