my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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