You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
