eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
