Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
