I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
