and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
