I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
