hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
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