nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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