This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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