I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
