When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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