JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
