I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dignity is for republicans.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
