I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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