i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
