ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We're using joints as your birthday candles
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
