I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
