i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
