trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
