My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
