Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it glows. i had to have it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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