One girl and one boy is just not enough.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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