**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize