it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
