The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
